It's frustrating that I have to miss tonight's
jazz quintet rehearsal, simply due to today's hot weather making my
hands feel like rubber! Makes it tough to hold - let alone play - guitar. I hate feeling as though I'm letting the other guys in
Pengopuss down, but there's nothing I can do about it (which is equally frustrating).
Catch-22... tomorrow, my hands will be comparatively fine. Go figure...
I'm not
depressed or anything, just... have I mentioned frustration? heh heh. Actually, my
emotions have been fairly balanced and level over these last few months. Which is quite surprising, considering all the $hit that's been going down. I'm
not feeling stressed or anxious about the whole MS thing at all... it's all quite unanticipated.
It's interesting to read how much a
good balanced diet is essential to good overall health - that's not breaking, revolutionary news, obviously! I'd been eating... well honestly.. pretty
badly over the last few weeks. However, this week, I've concentrated on lots of fruit and veggies, trying to cut back on sugar, dairy and bread (gluten). That's what needs to happen with my
UC, anyways. It's just that sometimes - I just don't like cooking/preparing food! It's either feeling too hot in my kitchen, or just pure laziness. I'm
not a good cook, as it is. I only cook because I
have to - it's not something I
enjoy (something I envy of those who
do!) This week I've been making myself prepare better things to eat - and I'm feeling better overall. As the weight hasn't gone down at all (I definitely gained some kg's when I was on steroids etc, back in November/December!), I need to start focusing on that a little bit more.
Just simple things... like, I actually got off my butt, put on my shoes, and went for a nice walk around part of town this morning (before it got too hot!) Just that simple exercise helped brighten my mood somewhat, simply by getting my blood pumping for a change.
Just thinking aloud now as I go... walking has been a little different lately, I've noticed. It's my left foot, occasionally seems to get a little 'sloppy' when I walk. Sometimes I feel as I veer to the left, as I walk. Now, I'm not experiencing any numbness anywhere else apart from my hands, so I'm wondering if this is a slight affect from the MS for me, or if it's always been like this, and I'm just more aware of it now? It's nothing major, honestly. I know that this could be a symptom of my MS... something to discuss with my neurologist and MS nurse when I see them next week. Just a thought...
I'm not trying to "overthink" this whole "how is this MS affecting me" thing...
I keep talking about it, simply so that the reality of it keeps sinking-in for me. It all seems a bit unreal/surreal for me, at times.
Plus I'm finding the networking with other MS-ers on
Twitter to be fantastic for me... much-more-so than Facebook. It's almost like I've
rediscovered Twitter again, even tho I've been using it for years. It's the connecting with new like-minded people, who appreciate the whole MS thing a lot more (that's NOT a negative towards my Facebook friends!) It's just different balances of relationships, and that's OK.
I treasure you all - thank you!!!
Peas be with ewe
Mal
