Mal's Gherkin Pram: How To CURE Any Illness

Thursday, 8 June 2023

How To CURE Any Illness

How to get rid of any illness...

Your fail-safe Miracle Cure is only a few simple steps away!

Secrets Revealed!

1) Drink 15 litres of organic apple cider vinegar every day. Everyday.

2) Rub unprocessed coconut oil into your eyes counter-clockwise (important).

3) Stick kale up your bum. Chew vigorously.

4) Snort 5 gm of quinoa each morning.

5) Shower in herbal gluten-free green tea.

6) Put turmeric paste on your wrists.

7) Cannabis... lots of cannabis.

8) Avoid meat, dairy, water, oxygen and people.

9) While standing naked in the middle of a motorway with your eyes closed, bathe in ice-cold Kombucha.

10) Facing due West, repeatedly jump on one foot, on the night of a full moon, at exactly 12pm on the first day of the month, when the wild wolf howls in the key of C#, juggle one of your kidneys with your left hand, whilst whistling Beethoven's 9th, wearing someone elses' false teeth and holding magic moon crystals.

60% of the time, this works every time.

And remember! A glass of bleach a day keeps the doctors away.

Thanks to Chronically Sarah @potsiegirlsarah for the original post!

➤ Note: Having MS myself, I have witnessed so much distorted unverifiable misinformation, baseless crap and outright quackery out there online, that I am entitled to be wholly cynical with any new claim to a "miracle cure", "treatment" and/or "reversal"!