Friday, 13 May 2022

My Current Blog Posts



I've been tweaking my blog here a lot, lately, and my regular blog posts may have become shuffled about with all the adjustments etc.

Here are my most recent "Newslettery" keeping-in-touch blog posts for you to peruse and pursue at your own pleasure and leisure. Thanks.



➽ Photos of Me➽ About Me➽ Health Stuff






Bookmark this page: Current Blog Posts



Peas be with ewe 
Mal

Caring


So, when did “Not Caring” for people become the norm for us all? This is really having a huge negative effect on my mental health right now.

I feel as though any energy, mojo, life-force, motivation, energy, or sense of ‘self’ has simply been sucked out of me until there is nothing left of ‘me’ anymore. Honestly, I have no aim, purpose, drive, or motivation for anything at all anymore.

I do not want to kill myself, OK? I am not saying that. I just do not want to live like this anymore.

“I have no emotional or psychological strength left within me to do anything about it anymore. I can't fight this any longer.” That’s what I am trying to say.

I feel as though years of ‘trying to jump through mindless bureaucratic hoops of a non-caring non-human or humane system’ has led to this. Oh sure: ‘blame the system, Mal.’ When people do not care about people: what’s the point of it all, then? When did ‘the program’ become more important than ‘the person’?

It is hard for me to understand why I am not believed. If I do ‘x’ (as requested of me), then ‘x’ - I am constantly told - is either wrong, not acceptable or not good enough for the mindless non-caring ‘system’. This sucks the life-energy right out of me. Years of it. Endlessly.

My Catch 22: I am disabled enough not to be gainfully employable. But I am not disabled enough to be considered ‘disabled’. Yes, that’s the problem: I do not fit into any of the slots/holes/boxes in any of the ‘system’ I have become ‘too hard’ for the system - and people - to deal with.

So they just ignore/dismiss me. I honestly feel like people just treat me like I am invisible, with no soul, feelings, or essence at all. I do not exist anymore. I am nothing. “Mal’s stuff… I just don’t wanna deal with that…”

There are exceptions to this (thankfully), but they seem to become fewer and fewer as time progresses.

I hate feeling like a burden or a nuisance – but this is all I feel I am anymore. And honestly: I hate it. Loathe it.

I know: these are all unanswerable questions. But this is what I am emotionally struggling with right now. And to be honest: I’m not coping at all with it.

I know these feelings will pass in a day or two, but I think I am trying to express what it’s like when “The Black Dog” (depression, anxiety etc) strikes, while it’s upon me. It’s bloody horrible… like wallowing in a black pit of bottomless mud, treading water whilst wearing concrete shoes.

OK, that’s enough.



Peas be with ewe 
Mal

Mal's DVD Movie List



□  I prefer watching movies; I rarely watch TV.


► Total: 938 DVD Titles I've Collected and Watch




A  

B  

C  

D  

E  

F  

G  

H

I  

J  
  • Jabberwocky (1977) - Terry Gilliam (Dir.)
  • Michael Jackson - This Is It (2009)  [tbr]
  • Jaws (1975) - Bruce the Shark  (4/5)
  • Jazz (2000) - Ken Burns (Prod.)  (4/5)
  • J. Edgar (2011) - Leonardo Dicaprio  (3.5/5)
  • Jerry Maguire (1996) - Tom Cruise
  • JFK (1991) - Kevin Costner  (4.5/5)
  • Jimi Hendrix - A Film About (1973) - Jimi Hendrix
  • John Adams [series] (2008) - Paul Giamatti  (3.5/5)
  • Jo Jo Rabbit (2019) - Roman Griffin Davis  (5/5) ֍֍֍֍֍
  • Joyeux Noel (Merry Christmas) (2005) - Christian Carion  (4.5/5)
  • Judgment at Nuremberg (1961) - Spencer Tracey
  • Judy (2019) - Renée Zellweger  (4/5)
  • Juggernaut (1974) - Richard Harris, Omar Sharif, Anthony Hopkins
  • Julia (1977) - Jane Fonda, Vanessa Redgrave  (tbr)
  • Jurassic World  (2015) - Chris Pratt   (1/5)

K  

L  

M  

N  

O  

P  

Q  

R  

S  

T  

U  

V  

W  

Y  

Z  
  • Zardoz (1974) - Sean Connery
  • Zodiac (2007) - Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr.
  • The Zookeeper's Wife  (2017) - Jessica Chastain, Johan Heldenbergh  (3.5/5)
  • Zoolander (2001) - Ben Stiller  (4.5/5)
  • Zootopia (2016) - Disney (Prod.)  (3.5/5)
  • Zulu (1964) - Michael Caine  (3.5/5)




► NB. (tbr) = to be reviewed/yet to watch DVD

 




Bookmark this page: Mal's DVD's


Peas be with ewe 
Mal