One of the more unexpected things I have discovered since becoming disabled due to MS (and other chronic diseases) is the sense of isolation I often experience.
Most people I am in contact with either have a partner/spouse, or family, or even a carer to oversee their well-being. Someone they can interact with intimately, who appreciates the frustrating nuances of their daily, changeable situation. And they can journey through it all together. (And I'm very happy for them).
I have no one. I am doing this totally on my own.
And compared to others, I feel very isolated in this situation.
I am happy being relationally single, as I would not want to live with me while I'm suffering from all the conditions I have, either! I wouldn't wish that on anyone - I do not want to put anyone else through what I am experiencing daily. It's cost me two long-term relationships already. That's not what I'm talking about.
I have a few people who check in on me now and again (and, for which, I am eternally grateful!), but as far as relational immediacy, I'm doing it tough, I have to admit.
I find it awkward to continue some of my great online friendships as often as I like because almost everybody seems to have a 'significant other '/carer in their life - and I don't quite identify with that - sometimes it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable relating with them, inexplicably. I am honestly very happy for them. Maybe it's jealousy? I don't know... I don't think that explains it.
I'm not sure if I know how to explain the inexplicable.
I know it sounds obvious... but I didn't ask for this health condition. It's not my fault, and I have to make-do and deal with what I have with what I've got.
Some days are better than others. Some days I'm fine with it all. Other days, it doesn't come easily to me anymore.
I honestly don't want to / deliberately try to offend anyone - but some days, I just don't give a shit anymore, tbh.
I'm finding it tough that I'm finding it tough. I think that's what I'm trying to say, as obvious as it sounds. I just need to say it.
► NOTE: Sometimes, all I honestly need you to say to me is this.
"I have MS and the isolation is soul-crushing" - @BrownsFanGurl
► Blog: Isolation
► Article: The Sadness of Former Friends
► Article: What's Going On Behind the Scenes (the 'awkward silence')
► Blog: Staying Social with MS
Also: Isolation
Peas be with ewe
Mal
Mal
