Friends Can Be Frustrating

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(Originally posted 7 Feb 2007)

This is kind of a low-key rant. I'm sure no one will read it, let alone respond. (Is it 'poor-quality bait'? I don't know, it's not meant to be... I'm just thinking aloud, really).

I know a lot of my so-called 'friends' here won't read or respond to any of my blog posts, but that's OK. People have their own journeys to live.

I know a lot of people who used to happily enjoy hanging out with me a few years ago, now don't at all... our journeys now no longer intermingle. Some days I feel that I've been subconsciously shoved into peoples' "too hard basket", and simply bypassed. I've experienced this so very often. Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm just too "real"? Or weird? Or perhaps it's just a case of classic modern-day "I don't seem to care, because there's too much other $hit going on... your life is a low priority to me" - and just treat me as invisible?

I guess that's why I don't have many 'friends' anymore... lots of people *seem* so self-absorbed... maybe I am, too? Maybe I'm just an a-hole? (I don't think so!)

Maybe it's just a classic symptom of our society... since I have nothing I can really offer you of positive benefit (because of my various illnesses), you have no need of me to actively participate in your life at all?

It does hurt, that people who once treasured me (and I, them) as a positive part of their life and social circle, now treat me as if I simply do not exist. I feel that... I'm just "too hard" for them to deal/cope with, so therefore I no longer exist. It's never in an up-front way. What I experience is just an unexpected silence of inter-personal communication... they just stop talking to me. I don't get invited anymore. Repeated calls and messages I send don't get responded to.

Does everyone experience this, to such a degree? (I know people would/do experience this sort of thing, to varying degrees, from time to time, surely? So why do I encounter this so often?!?)

I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm just over-sensitive. It doesn't stress me, It all feels just kinda... frustrating... a sense of loss.

Do I have to justify my own existence? My own journey? Struggles? NO, I don't. And I won't. I am who I am, and that's who I am.

OK OK... that's enough of all that... like I said... I'm just thinking aloud. No, I'm not overwhelmed with depression or anything like that. Normally, I'd love to sit down with someone over a friendly cuppa, and share this kinda stuff, knowing it 'won't go anywhere' - and then it's gone, it's expressed and dealt with, and I can happily move on. That's what 'normal' people experience, isn't it?... but since I don't seem to have the opportunity to do that... 

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Peas be with ewe 
Mal

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