(NB. This post is 'under construction'... I'm just trying to put some thoughts in some semblance of order...)
(NB. Click on these headings to take you to that part of this page):
► "Live and Love Beyond"
"Your worth consists in what you are and not in what you have" - Thomas Edison
"It's about becoming a human being, not a human doing..."
A Church group I used to associate with (many years ago), intelligently used the phrase, when leading a group of people,
► "People Before Programs"
ie. put people first before the 'agenda'.
► Be-Do-Have
► I'd rather "be" me first,
rather than "do" something that makes me "be" me.
So many people live backward in Western Society... and they are never happy or satisfied with life... It is not "DO - HAVE - BE",
► But "BE - DO - HAVE"
- BE happy with WHO you are (not WHAT you DO),
- DO what brings you fulfilment (not HAVE possessions to bring you happiness/fulfilment),
- so HAVE satisfaction/happiness as a result (not BEing satisfied/fulfilled with enough).
- Unconditional Love
- Loyalty
- Friendship
- Compassion / Empathy
- Sense of Humour
- Flexibility
- Integrity
- Respect
- Trust
- Honesty
- Acceptance
- Reliability
(NOT that I have all of these together myself... just that I value these utmost).
- and I am quite OK with that!
(Mal's edit, 21 November 2021)
As Andrew said, trying to explain what it's like being an introvert:
"...I can cope in social situations. It is just absolutely exhausting though, as an actor might feel after coming off stage".
I get this... I remember coming off-stage after gigs, feeling physically and psychologically absolutely spent, and then having to socially mix with people afterwards... that was a difficult Catch-22 situation for me.
People naturally assumed I was an Extrovert, because they had literally just seen me jumping around on stage, and just assumed I was an Extrovert... but that was a really big 'Mask' I would slip into, for that stage persona! After a gig, I just had to keep that 'Mask' on for a while to socially mix. It was OK with close friends because I could just 'chillax' with them afterwards, but when random strangers would come up to me and want some of my time, etc after a gig - that was kinda awkward for me, but it was OK... part of wearing that 'Mask', I guess.
But when I got home, in private, would literally just 'hibernate in my cave', until I could emotionally re-energize again (let alone physically - I would sometimes physically lose up to 10kgs of weight in just pure sweat at some of those band gigs - seriously!
Also, when I used to do a lot of public speaking, the same was true... while not exercising the physical energy, the emotional/psychological energy was tough on me, as an introvert. People would assume I'd be an Extrovert, because I'd be up in front of people, looking calm, composed, fluent and confident as a Public Speaker; but it was a well-practised "Mask", I assure you!
This pics kinda explains what it's like for me, too:
"Just because I'm being quiet doesn't mean I'm mad, anti-social or depressed, sometimes I just don't feel like talking".
► Also, being a classic introvert:
(NB. I've been professionally 'assessed/tested' twice with these Myers-Briggs Personalty-Type things over the years, and I've been INFJ/P).
Characteristics of INFJs
(“The Advocate” / "The Protector")
(“The Advocate” / "The Protector")
INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward a better understanding of themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.
INFJs have been mistaken for extroverts, as they can adapt easily to social situations due to their complex understanding of an individual's motivations; however, they are true introverts. INFJs are private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Though they are very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and are driven to resolve differences cooperatively and creatively.
INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life that they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types; however, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal it (except to their closest companions). INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits" rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behaviour that may leave others confused and upset.
INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately, deeply woven, mysterious, highly complex, and often puzzling, even to themselves. They have an orderly view of the world but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired, yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition. (Source)
The INFJ type is believed to be very rare (less than 1 per cent of the population) and it has an unusual set of traits. Even though their presence can be described as very quiet, INFJ personalities usually have many strong opinions, especially when it comes to issues they consider really important in life. If an INFJ is fighting for something, this is because they believe in the idea itself, not because of some selfish reasons.
INFJ personalities are drawn towards helping those in need – they may rush to the place of a major disaster, participate in rescue efforts, do charity work etc. INFJs see this as their duty and their purpose in life – people with this personality type firmly believe that nothing else would help the world as much as getting rid of all the tyrants. Karma and similar concepts are very attractive to INFJs.
These tendencies are also strengthened by the fact that INFJ personalities have a unique combination of idealism and decisiveness – this means that their creativity and imagination can be directed towards a specific goal. Few other personality types have this trait and this is one of the most important reasons why many INFJs can eventually realize their dreams and make a lasting positive impact.
INFJs are masters of written communication, with distinctively smooth and warm language. In addition, the sensitivity of INFJs allows them to connect to others quite easily. Their easy and pleasant communication can often mislead bystanders, who might think that the INFJ is actually an extrovert.
INFJs should be careful to avoid “overheating” as their zeal and determination can sometimes get out of hand. As introverts, INFJs need to have some “alone time” every once in a while or otherwise, their internal energy reserves will get depleted really quickly. If this happens, the INFJ may surprise everybody around them by withdrawing from all their activities for a while – and since other people usually see INFJs as extroverts, this can leave them both surprised and concerned.
INFJs take great care of other people’s feelings and expect others to return the favour. Unsurprisingly, people with this personality type are very sensitive and vulnerable to conflicts – even the most rational INFJs may find it quite difficult to not take criticism personally. This is the INFJ’s Achilles’ heel – if someone with an INFJ personality cannot escape the conflict, they will do their best to deal with it head-on, but this will result in a lot of stress and may also potentially lead to health problems or highly irrational behaviour. (Source)
Characteristics of INFPs
(“The Mediator” / "The Idealist")
As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves
INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. At the end of the path, the goal is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.
Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.
INFPs do not like conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel bad. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.
INFPs are flexible and laid-back until one of their values is violated. When their value system is threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigour when working for their "cause".
When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.
INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of the impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and can be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to misuse hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.
INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group because their standards are likely to be higher than other members of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of everyday living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralysed about what to do with their lives.
INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good and don't need to use hard logic.
INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs. (Source)
INFP personalities are usually perceived as calm, reserved or even shy. However, such an exterior can be deceptive – even though INFPs can be somewhat cautious, their inner flame and passion are not something to be taken lightly. People with this personality type are really affectionate, a trait not often seen in other types. This compassion can be fervent and long-lasting – but the INFP will use it cautiously, directing their energies towards a few selected people or a worthy cause. Idealism is the banner of INFP personalities – and they are proud of it. Unfortunately, it also means that INFPs can often feel misunderstood and isolated, as they are relatively rare (only 4.3% of the U.S. population).
People with the INFP personality type have a clear sense of honour, which inspires and motivates them. If someone wants to get to know an INFP, it is crucial to know what drives them, to understand their chosen cause.
INFPs seek harmony in their lives and the surrounding environment, often feeling dejected because of all the bad things happening in the world and trying hard to create something positive. People with this personality type tend to see things and actions from an idealistic perspective, rather than the prism of logic. They respond to beauty, morality, and virtue rather than utility, effectiveness or value.
INFPs can easily speak in metaphors and parables, and they also have an amazing gift of creating and interpreting symbols – for this reason, INFPs often find it natural to write and enjoy poetry. Unlike the NT types, this personality type does not worship logic – from their viewpoint, logic is not always necessary. It is also likely that an INFP will enjoy hypothetical or philosophical discussions more than any other type.
INFPs may also often retreat into their “hermit” state (this personality type can easily switch between the two states), withdrawing from the world and getting lost in their deep thoughts – their partner may then need to spend quite a lot of effort to energise and “awaken” the INFP.
INFPs have the trait common among NF types – their aptitude for foreign languages is unmatched. INFPs also often become great writers and actors, as they can easily reflect and convey their own personalities using fictional characters. Generally speaking, people with this personality type are extremely creative, innovative and goal-oriented – they can be great advocates for causes they truly believe in.
Finally, most INFPs can notice even the slightest hint of good in other people. In INFP's eyes, even the most revolting person will have something worthy of respect or, at the very least, sympathy. (Source)
Being borderline INFJ & INFP (I've been professionally 'tested' with these Myers-Briggs Personalty-Type things over the years), this link is awesome... the INFL/INFP "Stress Heads" sum up a LOT of the hair-tearing-out problems I've been having up at an "unnamed volunteering situation" back in 2007.
Let me [briefly] sum up some of the negatives, stressors and anxieties I have personally experienced, in that unnamed volunteer situation (cf. 2007 in Queensland)...
- Negativity from others & open disrespect
- Ideas met with criticism and negativity & having my ideas shut down
- Not being appreciated for trying to 'make a difference
- Dismissing how I feel and feeling misunderstood
- Overall administrative directional shortsightedness, conflict, disorder, indecisiveness, disharmony, unclear expectations
- Embarrassed & humiliated in public
Needless to say, trying to work with that place drove me absolutely potty!!!
Peas be with ewe
Mal
Mal
Ok, ok. I am an introvert but I can cope in social situations. It is just absolutely exhausting though, as an actor might feel after coming off stage.
ReplyDelete"Absolutely exhausting, as an actor might feel after coming off stage" - that's a great way to describe it! Thanks Andrew.
ReplyDeleteExactly spot on I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone its an internal feeling great catching up on your page hugs and thankyou:))
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
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