Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Demands and Expectations

I mailed the paperwork to the boys' mum, so that my eldest son can legally change his name. It's a compromise - we agreed, together with JD, that his surname would become a hyphenated name. It's gonna be his 15th birthday present from the both of us for him, so he can see his new familys' name on his drivers' license when he turns 16! Yay for JD!
Doesn't matter what his name is. He'll always be my son. He knows that, and I don't have a huge problem with him wanting to change his name. That's fine.

Took me a loooooong time to come to that point, tho.

Matt finally did ring me late this arvo. Yes, he's working thru some "life-changing" issues, he admitted. A lot of them involve the non-relationship he and his father have together.

I appreciated he at least could tell me that much. I let him talk and just listened. I appreciated that he tried to talk, and tried to encourage him in his decisions.

However... he did mention things about the band and his concept of playing music.

Between you and me, Paige... he's lost the plot, as far as that's concerned.

He wants to be a rock star, basically. Making unrealistic demands (he wants to get paid? I mean, wtf...?!?) and having even further unrealistic expectations.
Look, he's simply not prepared to put in the hard yards when it comes to practice, learning and remembering arrangements or new songs, or keeping simple promises. The previous nine months have seen that pattern emerge and repeated over again and again.

So, for him to start making demands is just not on. It's utter childish nonsense.

I'm gonna give him a few days to think about what he's said. He was quite calm and talkative, but reflective. But still denying various aspects of his actions as of late.

But yeah. I'm gonna ask him to take a month off away from playing with us. He needs the distance to give himself some clear perspective.

I'm not trying to be a ba$tard about this. I'm just trying to be realistic. If it was just me feeling this way, I'd "put up and shut up". But it's not just affecting me.

We're just some friends playing music for fun. We're not trying to hit the big time, just playing the occasional gig, occasionally getting paid as an added bonus. We're doing it for ourselves, for fun, and to learn from one another and improve our own musicality along the way. We live in a simple country town, not a large city metropolis with endless gigging potential. I think Matts' forgotten that.

"A bit too much fxcking perspective" - David St Hubbins, Spinal Tap.
Peas be with ewe

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  1. This is a story repeated in every garage across the developed world.

  2. poor matt
    hope he is able to work thru his demons.

  3. Not knowing all the back-story, I hope that JD realizes changing his name is what he REALLY wants....when he is older, he may not find it so appealing.

  4. I hope Matt has the maturity to face-up to his demons, too. Believe me.

    JD's old enough to make his own decisions about things like that. If he wants to change it later on in life, he always can. I can only support him in his decisions.

    Mal :)

  5. My sister-in-law has five children. The father of the eldest three is her first husband but they have taken the name of her second husband. The youngest two are the children of her second husband but they have taken the name of her third husband.

  6. I see you have been chasing up your friend - I hadn't read this post till after I responded to the earlier one.

    I guess just have to hope that all ends well.

  7. Sorry, meant to comment re the name change thing - hard to take - but a rose by any other name would smell as sweet so Shakespeare said - and who knows he might change his mind again as time passes (your son I mean)