Tuesday, 11 December 2007

Stand By Your Man

I don't know why it is, but sometimes (sometimes! lol) I write better comment replies in other peoples' blogs, than I make in my own posts! heh heh

"Grim Reality" is watching her husband go thru practically the same thing I went thru towards the end of my marriage - severe depression. How she described it bought back so many memories and feelings, that I just had to say something about it.
What you described was *ME* in detail, about 7 years ago.

Yes, he needs to go see a doctor. I was on very mild anti-d meds for a short while and they did the trick. Sometimes a simple short course of medication can cause wondrous results. Encourage him to do it, as I can totally honestly tell you it saved my life.

Also, for you - STICK WITH HIM! He needs you SO badly at this point, because he doesn't have the emotional stamina to support himself just at the moment. Please do not give up on him!!! He needs you!

I know... my wife totally walked away from me right at that point, and ended up marrying another man. It totally crushed me. She left me right when I needed her the most. (In many ways I have never totally emotionally recovered from this act of desertion).

So yeah, I totally appreciate that things are tough, he's being totally unreasonable and selfish in so many ways, but one the the BEST things you can do for him is to stay there for him, tell him you love him, and just be there for him when you can. That will be huge for him, and help him to begin to find his way back out of the "Black Dog".

Depression is a nasty mistress. You know you feel black, you know what you're thinking and saying is unreasonable and selfish - but you're not doing it deliberately! You know you're feeling out of character, and you hate feeling this way, but you just don't seem to have the emotional fuel to somehow drag yourself out of it. It's tough. It's really tough.

So yeah, if you can strongly encourage him to talk frankly about it with your family doctor, and also if you could stick by him thru the tough times, it will surely pay off in the long run.

For the kids' sakes. He loves his kids. He loves you. He loves his family. Just at the present moment he feels totally emotionally empty and has no emotional reservoirs to tap into to be able to tell you that.

I can't believe I wrote that... because that's pretty close to how it all was for me, thinking back to those bleak times.I wish my 'support network' back then didn't crumble, right when I needed them the most as well. People 'took sides' when divorce raised its ugly head, and I lost 99% of good friends literally overnight. I'm not exaggerating. Ever had one-time really good friends not return your calls/emails/letters, and then cross the street to avoid you...? It was surely the blackest, bleakest time of my life. I contemplated suicide quite a few times thru it all. But I simply couldn't do that to the boys.

I do appreciate it would have been hell for my ex to have lived thru back then. She just couldn't take any more. I can appreciate how hellish it must have been for her. I wasn't the man she married at that point - and I hated myself for being that way, but I wasn't doing it on purpose, I swear! The distressing part is... I was actually just starting the slow climb out of my blackest pit when she kicked me out of her life and slammed the door shut, locking it behind her.

Time is a wonderful healer. But the emotional scars are still with me, just a lot blunted and muted to the way they once were.

And yes, a simple course of a mild anti-depressant was all that I needed. I wish I'd known that 20 years earlier, as it would have saved a whole lot of grey hairs, having undergone the trials of various forms of depression for most of my adult life!!! Gagh!

Ahhh... the wisdom and clarity of hindsight is 20/20. hahhahahaaa :)

Whew... I need a cup of tea after that post... that made me feel weary.

Well, on a much lighter note...
(Thanx to Pattycam for the pic)
Peas be with ewe

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1 comment:

  1. Yeah well life can sure suck at times. I know what its like to have a close friend literally turn his back on me in public. Looking back I should have just twatted the SOB for being so unkind but I figured what the hey and got on with rebuilding my life.