Monday, 5 December 2016

NSFW: Strange Facts of History We're NOT Taught!


Here Are The Most Insane History Facts You Would Never Be Taught In School.
NB. NSFW [Not Safe For Work!]
Take these with a large pinch of salt. 😁😁😁

When we learn historical narratives in school, the stories always seems to fit so neatly and cleanly together. But as we well know from our day to day lives, the world is a messy place. Here, people share historical facts that you would NEVER be taught in school.

1/28. Anne Frank's diary talked a lot about masturbation, but most of it was edited out.

2/28. Benjamin Franklin published an essay entitled "Fart Proudly" - a tongue-in-cheek treatise promoting the health benefits of farting, and how to make farts smell better - in 1781 while he was the US Ambassador in France.

3/28. John F. Kennedy was dating Miss Denmark in the 1940's, and when they stayed at Sumter House in Charleston the FBI bugged their room because they thought she may be a Nazi spy. Turns out they didn't hear a lot of conversation, but instead a lot of NSFW time. Tapes are in the Library of Congress for those interested.

4/28. The Oneida community (the utopian Christian sect in the early Americas that started the silverware company by the same name) practiced "complex marriage" which was basically free sex and taught that men could orgasm without ejaculation.

5/28. The dresses and corsets worn by women in the court of King Louis XIV were so cumbersome and difficult to get out of that women would often take a dump in the hallways of the Versailles palace during grand balls. The morning after the corners of hallway in the palace would have piles of poop stacked up that the servants would have to clean up.

6/28. The Corps of Discovery only ate meat and had incredible constipation. One day they all ate pills they named "Thunder Clappers" which made them poop out everything immediately. BUT the pills had a bit of metal in them, so if you go out on the same trail as the Corps of Discovery with a metal detector, you can find the exact place Lewis, Clark and the rest of the corps took the biggest craps of their lives.

7/28. Peter the Great, tsar of Russia, liked dentistry so much he would make courtiers let him pull their healthy teeth. Then he would label them and put them in a display case. He had a museum of birth defects, mostly the bodies of deformed babies killed by their parents at birth. The curator of his museum was a giant. After the giant died, Peter put his body in the museum. He thought coffins were so cool that he made them for fun, and made it illegal to burying people in bags (as Russians had done).

8/28. Thomas Granger was the first juvenile to be executed in what would become the USA. He was convicted of "buggery with a mare, a cow, two goats, several sheep, two calves, and a turkey", and hung in September, 1642.

9/28. The Welsh would often go to England to steal sheep, this was punishable by death, so when they were caught they would say that they went there to screw the sheep, which was not punishable by death.

10/28. Every year, it was the Pharaoh's solemn duty to go to the banks of the Nile, disrobe, and masturbate. A great many other men would follow him, and when the Pharaoh was done, they too would bash one out on the banks. Further, it was believed that the Pharaoh had to be sure that as great an amount of his gentlemen's relish as possible landed in the river itself rather than on the land in order to guarantee a good future harvest.

11/28. Johnny Appleseed didn't go around planting appleseeds just because. He sold the trees to settlers and they used the apples to make booze. Tasty apples are a mutation and apples trees used to make edible apples don't come from seeds, they come from grafting other tasty apple trees.

12/28. John Harvey Kellogg--one of the Kellogg brothers who invented breakfast cereal, advocated for sewing silver wire through boys' foreskin to prevent them from masturbating. Strange fellow.

13/28. In addition to all the other hijinks Columbus got up to, in later years, he ran a sex slave business from the New World. 

14/28. When Marie Antoinette was imprisoned by the French citizens, they took her kids. Then they had her oldest son have sex with prostitutes so that he would contract their STDs. They then tried to use this as grounds to try her for abusing her children. The accusations went nowhere. So the poor kid was given a ton of venereal diseases for nothing.

15/28. In 1928 The United Fruit Company (fruit company from Louisiana) had banana plantation in Colombia; and the workers organized a strike against them. They demanded written contracts, eight-hour work days, six-day work weeks and the elimination of food coupons. The strike was one of the biggest strikes in Colombian history, and many communistic and Liberal parties participated. U.S. officials in Colombia, along with United Fruit representatives, portrayed the worker's strike as "communist" with "subversive tendency". In telegrams to the U.S. Secretary of the government, the United States of America threatened to invade with the U.S. Marine Corps if the Colombian government did not act to protect United Fruit’s interests.

An unknown number of workers died after the conservative government of Miguel Méndez sent the Colombian army to end the union. An army regiment from Bogotá was dispatched by the government to deal with the strikers, which it deemed to be subversive. Whether these troops were sent in at the behest of the United Fruit Company did not clearly emerge.

The troops set up their machine guns on the roofs of the low buildings at the corners of the main square, closed off the access streets, and after a five-minute warning opened fire into a dense Sunday crowd of workers and their wives and children who had gathered, after Sunday Mass, to wait for an anticipated address from the governor.

General Cortés Vargas, who commanded the troops during the massacre, took responsibility for 47 casualties. In reality, the exact number of casualties has never been confirmed. Herrera Soto, co-author of a comprehensive and detailed study of the 1928 strike, has put together various estimates given by contemporaries and historians, ranging from 47 to as high as 2,000. Survivors, popular oral histories and written documents give figures 800-3000 killed, adding that the killers threw them into the sea.

16/28. The US had a eugenics program into the 70s that sterilized thousands of women, mostly Black/poor. They would often do this under the guise of an emergency appendectomy post birth. A woman gave birth to a baby and didn't know why she could never have children after. She was able to receive damages. Look up Buck v Bell.

17/28. Egyptians also had a priestess called the "God's Wife" whose job was to perform sex acts on a statue of a deity.

18/28. French President Felix Fauré died while getting a blowjob from his mistress.

19/28. In early Japan, High class Japanese often had men on the side they would use for pleasure. It wasn't seen as gay or wrong because that concept hadn't been imported from the west yet. They were considered a mistress and were usually well taken care of.

20/28. Empress Theodora of the Byzantine empire was a hooker, and came to power by hooking up with the emperor of the time.

21/28. In the middle ages after a couple's wedding night they would hang the sheets out the window to prove the woman was a virgin.

22/28. Apparently, During the writing of the declaration Ben Franklin would sneak off at lunch. Someone would always have to go fetch him and they would always find him in the middle of a room surrounded by naked women.

23/28. Lyndon Johnson was known for pulling out his pecker during meetings.

24/28. Royal family members had people witness them having sex so they could confirm the legitimacy of the heir.

25/28. Maya Angelou worked as a sex worker, nightclub dancer and performer as a young adult.

26/28. King Louis the 14th "The Sun King" is responsible for high heels. He thought they made his butt look great.

27/28. Women's dresses were not Victorian-like in their modesty prior to the 1800s. If you went back in time to the middle ages/early renaissance, you'd be seeing a lot of tits hanging out.

28/28. A lot of our advances in online video streaming was thanks to the porn industry.

Peas be with ewe 
Mal

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