Sunday, 15 December 2013

Sunday's Journal

A few more sleepless nights... because the 'angst'/anguish/anxiety keeps sitting like a deep hollow in my belly, I still find it difficult to sleep, and stay asleep.

I'm slowly feeling as tho I'm starting to 'heal', but I also realise that, well, basically - I'm pretty f*cked-up!

I know everyone has their own health problems to journey through. I just guess because I spent the majority of my life with overall generally good health, being so unwell all the time, now I'm approaching 50, is just a bit of a rude shock. Sure, I should just suck it up and get on with it, but sometimes, for me - it's just not as easy as that - altho I wish it was.

I am very appreciative of generous hospitality here in Bathurst, until I can summon the inner emotional strength required to 'get my $#it together' again.

I haven't been able to spend any time with my children yet as well, which continues as yet another frustration.

One positive is that... at least my 'back end' is functioning 'relatively' OK now - thank gawd.

On the other foot... sometimes all I seem is to upset people, no matter what I do, which makes it difficult to feel motivated to continue being i] myself and ii] creative.  I'm not talking about any particular personal/interpersonal stuff here, I just found the majority of Warwickites overall attitude like this [at left]. Twas extremely draining emotionally, physically and spiritually for me individually, being in a community that simply could/would not cope/accept/deal with any form of positive 'change', no matter in what shape or form, or from whom.

Peas be with ewe 

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