Sunday, 10 May 2009

Why I'm NOT gonna use Twitter, just because everybody else is

I seem to be getting so many messages from people I hardly know, all about their fucking useless mindless boring minute-by-minute Twitters. Fuck off and leave me alone. I blog, and have been for almost five years now. Twitter will go the same way as MySpace, THE ultimate thing just EVERYBODY HAD to be part of just two years ago. Now nobody hardly even uses MySpace, or Facebook or Plurk for that matter. I've found Blogging fine and hassle-fee. I can say what I want to say, and people can read it if and when they want to, rather than having their feeds shoved down their throats at every turn.

What ever happened to email?

I'm sure it's a great tool for communicating tiny snippets of information between friends. But can't u just do that with a text message, or an email. Or - god forbid - a phone call? Why does every single person in the universe NEED to know about the state of your fish pond gravel minute-by-minute?

I DON'T CARE if you just took the biggest dump of your life, OK? So do not try to on-forward your Tweets about it, OK? rofl

It's just the mindless mega-volume of the mindlessness of this Twitter thing that's giving me the shits... Friend Feed just posts me the same message like five different times from five different sources saying just one thing. FUCK OFF, already! rofl

I blog, and that's enough for me.

The beauty of it is, in reality, in the end I can just block and 'unfriend' the daily spam from both FriendFeed and Twitter, because, seriously, 95% of it is pure drivel to my ears!

But, these people keep sending friendship requests, and then keep sending the same moronic Tweets endlessly anyways. ARGH!

OK OK, rant ended.

And please... no more pictures of your fucking gay fishpond, please!!! hahahahaaa.
Some of the worst tweets that really piss me off are:

Twitter-rea - "useless tweets" - "just woke up" - "off to work" - "need to poop"

Its all noise and I really don't care that you just woke up. I actually was wondering about adding this category as "useless" could describe a huge majority of tweets. Twitter-rea encompasses all of the following categories but I wanted to be more specific on the types that annoy me.

Going to sleep tweets - "Okay, REALLY signing off and going to bed this time!".

It is a waste of the 0.7 seconds it took for me to read that. Just go to sleep and shut the hell up. No one is going to miss you for the next 6 hours until you come back and post "just woke up."

Spam - No quote here but I'm sure you've seen em. My general rule for following anyone has been "You get two." If your first two tweets are lame and spammy, I'm out. Spammy tweets are sad.

New Blog Post tweets - "Blogging .... (inserted link to blog here)."

Nope, I won't click. I'm barely following you as it is, you're pushing your luck little man. Give me the title of the blog post or a hook to get me to click. Let me know where I'm about to go or why I want to go there.

Nothing to say tweets - "I have nothing tweet-worthy to say."

Then don't say a damn thing. With all the shit that is tweeted, you can't come up with anything? Maybe you should look up from your cell phone and be social for a second rather than simply texting in your worthless tweet while checking how many followers you have. No mystery on why that number isn't growing. I can't believe I'm following you. In fact, you just got unfollowed.

Spoiler or Watching TV tweets - "Watching bad TV on E!"

While this is horrible, this quote isn't nearly as bad as the spoiler tweets. In the age of the DVR, I don't think anyone should ever announce the winner of anything for at least a day. Announcing the winner of reality shows that I watch (like From G's to Gents) is not cool.

Speaking of which, I HATE when I'm at a social event and someone announces the score of a game. Just cause you weren't smart enough to record the game doesn't mean you need to show off your cell phone skillz by checking Don't be a tool.

Follow my friend tweets - "follow this guy - he's cool!"

Doubt it.

Twitter Greetings - "Hello Twitter my old friend, I've come to talk with you again..."

C'mon. Stop. Just don't. Really? C'mon. Twitter is not your friend.

Coffee tweets - "thinking about going to get my first cup of coffee..."

Look, I don't care that you're getting a cup of coffee or how much you need coffee or how much you LOVE coffee. This has to be the deal breaker for me. I can't take it. Everyday I sift through countless tweets about needing coffee as I sip from my Mug Revolution Handmade Coffee Mug (you're welcome Owen).
Congrats on announcing your cracked out dependency to caffeine. I'll unfollow you now.

Peas be with ewe
Mal :)

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  1. LOL! Okay! Does that make me a little thoughtless or something? I just skimmed the end of that post! It totally did not sound like MY MAL! Perhaps due to the fact that the first half was totally relatable? Facebook is totally doing my head in at the moment! Although I was fussy about who I "let" add me! Even some of my "real life" cousins are total fuck wits! No wonder we dont' keep up in the real world, I mean really????? WTF do these people do in their so called "real" life? Nuff said!!!! Maybe I am just getting old?????

  2. Thanks for the cackle and I so relate to a lot of it, ok I am guilty of the good morning and good night plurks, but often they are the only plurks I do a day... today was an exception.

    I do have twitter but don't tweet, I just follow some people and respond to their tweets.

    As for Facebook statuses I rarely use them and get so bloody annoyed with things sent via virally to all social networks.

  3. I enjoyed this post, made me laugh. Good points, my friend. For the record, I hate Twitter too.
    Have a great day.

  4. Well said, Mal, well said. You're not alone. I read someone else's blog recently and she was discussing much the same thing although about Facebook.

    Anyway, I did giggle reading it all. Your colourful language brightened up my dull day :P

  5. Don't hold back Mal, tell us what you really think! lol

    I don't even know what Twitter is.

  6. lol i do not twitter either, there are 2 of us

  7. I'm one of those...don't fix what ain't broke kind of people. Blogging is working for me so i don't see any reason to switch now.

  8. I actually like Facebook. Though in concept its much like twitter. Myspace I only log into for those apps that keep me from dying at boredom.

    Twitter I will never do. EVER.

  9. "Why does every single person in the universe NEED to know about the state of your fish pond gravel minute-by-minute?" Ha hahaha...and I will admit here and now I have no idea what this twit thing is and have no need to know... like Mal I blog...therefore I am.

  10. I'm not a huge fan of twitter, simply because for my 'needs' it doesn't fulfill them.

    I don't agree that myspace has gone by the wayside at all, I think the types of experiences we have on each site depend on a number of factors.

    Being an old nethead from way back, I know the pitfalls so often when setting up a new place to try or play online I set it up well so I rarely come across the freaks.

    But as for how people use these things, each to their own I say.

  11. Good post Mal I do have a twitter account but don't use it much. I also fit the category of plurking mundane stuff. LOL maybe it's time for me to shut up!