Monday, 15 December 2008

Matt Has Quit the Band

Matt has quit the band.

It was his choice and decision.

Julian and I did not even say anything... this was how Matt chose to start our 'band meeting' yesterday arvo, even before any of us had begun talking.

He just started talking, non-stop, for the next 25 minutes... we literally didn't get a chance to say anything... no, seriously.

Same style (as what he does with me) as always... makes a statement, then repeats himself in five different ways, over and over. Just talking non-stop... not dialogue, no communication as a two-way process, just the sound of one mouth talking.

Julian and I sat there absolutely dumbfounded, listening in disbelief. At one stage I literally did the 'jaw-dropping' thing, I just could not believe things I was hearing.

So yeah, Matt took it upon himself to quit out on us, and leave us in the lurch just like that, just when the 18 months of work, time and effort was starting to kick-in.

The things he said... well... Julian and I agreed: if this is how he reacts over his own paranoid doubts, we're best rid of him. Quickly and decisively.

However, because he still is a mate, he and I spent a few hours last night just hanging out together over a few quiet beers.

Unfortunately, the guy spent the rest of my night, even tho we agreed together right at the start to not talk or discuss anything about his decision last night, to do exactly that.

No matter how many times I'd say, "Matt, please, we agreed not to talk about this stuff tonight...", he'd just keep going on and on about it...

Needless to say, I'm sure he now regrets his decision, and he's at least changed his mind as to wanting to play this coming Saturday nights' gig with us. He says he "feels he owes that much to us". Gees, how thoughtful of you...

But no matter how much he whines and wants back in, he's made his decision. He quit. And it's over with his further involvement in the band come after this Saturday night.

No amount of his empty shallow promises will make up for the fact of the terrible things he said to Julian and specifically myself, as far as playing in this band is concerned. Nothing. No. Thing.

Then at our casual meeting this arvo, he started getting picky about money, not picky, but virtually making accusations that Julian and I were ripping him off... that was the final straw. I physically had our reconciled financial statement in my hands showing the guys where we were upto, who's paid what and how everything was being reconciled OK... yet despite the fact that he owes the band money, he started suggesting we owe HIM money.


That's just not kosher, chum. Not. At. All.

Julian and I felt insulted, basically.

At one point I had to physically get up and walk away, I was so upset with some of the things things he had to say.

He's a top bloke... but he really has no idea how his words affect his dealing with other people. So many empty lying promises over 18 months is enough for anyone.

If he wants to play music with some other people who have time to babysit the guy and treat him like a spolit childish rockstar, dancing on tippy-toes because of his fragile ego, needed to constantly treat him as something special by constantly "making him feel confident" and pandering to his insecurities - good luck to them. Go for it, Matt, with our blessings. Julian and I aren't having a bar of it anymore.

But as far as this band goes, and us 'working' musically with Matt ever again, it's over, done and dusted.

No matter what he says anymore.

Julian and I, whilst gobsmacked, have agreed together to keep going, and speak with a guy we had a jam with about two months ago to play with us, who is still very keen. He's a bassplayer and singer (a good one!), and I'll switch from bass to guitar. That's cool, very cool. Julian and I are very "tight", and that is simply part of the working relationship a drummer and a bass player (the 'rhythm section') of a band have together. Julian and I don't get together and hang out all that much, nothing like the way Matt and I do.

Yet Matt felt convinced that this is what we'd been doing, behind his back. Nothing could be further from the truth. Julian and I connect at a certain level and can communicate together with a minimum of fuss, simply because of the dynamic of being part of a bands' rhythm section - that's it. No secrets, no magic or mysteries.

Matt simply doesn't get that about us.

I've had spent the last 18 months trying and trying and trying to positively encourage Matt, build some self-confidence into himself about his playing, compliment, enthuse... I. Have. Tried!

I honestly don't know what else I can do for the guy. No, seriously. And he simply throws it back in our faces.

And, in all seriousness, in that line-up (with a new guy coming in, with plenty of working experience, mind you), we will be ready to recommence gigging in two rehearsals. Two. Not 18 months, Matt - two rehearsals. That's how a working live band really works, Matt. Not 3 months to learn a song that you won't remember how it goes after a week. Even Julian (who is one of the most gracious patient men on the planet, I humbly assure you!) is quite fed-up with playing the same really-simple stuff over and over and over, simply for Matt's benefit.

Yes, I'm upset, but not devastated. It was a shock, but kind of a relief as well. Matt really has no idea that playing in a band is like being in a relationship with two other guys. All he wants is to take take take... there's no compromise, no sharing, no thought of others... it's always been about 'him' - and thankfully, he beat us to it by quitting on us first, before I had to tell him I'd had enough of his childish bullshit. I wanted to 'put him straight' about the way his selfish attitude is negatively affecting this band.

Instead of facing that, he turned and ran away. No, that's a fair comment.

He's always said one thing and done the other. That has been his own undoing, not ours.

He simply cannot see that.

It's sad, but 'the show must go on' - and it will.

"The Night Before" has one final hurrah, this Saturday night. I know it'll be a blast. We really do enjoy playing together - and that's why we're doing it. It'll be fun.

But as far as Matt working with us ever again after that, it's simply not going to happen. No matter what he says.
Peas be with ewe
Mal :)

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  1. Wow not sure what to say! I do hope Saturday goes well and I hope it works out with the new guy.

  2. I am so glad you both decided to go on, good luck :)

  3. That's too bad! But at least you've got a replacement lined up.

  4. I suspect, while it's upsetting, this could be a good thing for you two who are left.
    Playing Pollyanna today.
    Have fun on Saturday, wish I was there!

  5. So sorry to hear about it, but at least he quit and no one had to throw him out. But to be so nasty while quiting is totally unforgivable. Good Luck with your new endeavers.

  6. He's sadly desperately trying to backpedal his decision - but it's too late for him. We'll play this one last hurrah together saturday, and that'll be it. The show must go on, and it will. Now we'll be free and able to play about 40 new songs straight away, as Matt has been unable (or unwilling?) to learn them.

    I'm going well today, thanks. Thanks for your comments, good people.

    Mal :)

  7. Wow big decision! Still, sounds like it's best for the band, so it was probably good timing...

  8. I guess if you were honest with him he'd never speak to you again. Funny that. Shame to lose a friend I guess. There's a lesson here for me. Lie to your friends to keep 'em. Life sucks like that. But it would be so much more satisfying and honest if you could have said to him: 'Listen mate, you're not such hot shit you know?' We've been carrying you for ages, we're actually glad you quit, because now we can make that quantum leap we've been itching to that we're more than ready to. Did you have to be such a prick about it though? Have we done you so wrong? You know, a bloke like you with your skills could really benefit from having a little humility'.

    No, I couldn't say it either,but I'd be thinking it and that'd probably be enough.

    I was almost in a band once. One of the things I was told first up was that there was 'no room for egos'. Months later, as an onlooker, oh how I laughed. It was worse than being married and I was glad they had decided they didn't want a woman upsetting the apple cart. Bloody lucky escape if you ask me. They were the biggest bunch of 'girls' I ever knew.

  9. Sheesh! What does he want from you all? You cant kiss his feet to keep a bandmate who doesnt want to learn the songlist. Here's hoping that you DO find some guys that WANT to play and be a real band and that you're a big HIT!
    Then maybe he'll be sorry he did this to you all.

  10. That is too bad that he had to quit with such a crappy manner. I hope the replacement works out as easily as your housemate has!

  11. Ouch. The show must go on and I am glad you are not going to let one person's bad attitude ruin all your hard work. Good luck!!