I'm tired of it now. Matt keeps saying again and again and again (like a broken record) that he wants to "move onto the next level" of personal playing and performance, but he simply won't take the basic practical steps to do anything about it.
Bottom-line... he needs to put his money where his mouth is. He's been told, show what to do, talked-to, encouraged, motivated, even ferking mollycoddled - for more than a YEAR, but he just keep coming up with excuse after excuse after excuse why something has been forgotten, misplaced, or not remembered.
I'm tired of it. I've never ever had to babysit someone in a band that claims to be a "professional" outfit. Never. Not in 23 years years playing.
I love playing with him. But like I said, I just don't know if I have the emotional personal energy to "work" with him anymore, unless something radically changes with him.
Remembering arrangements, practicing band's material, making his own charts/notes, turning-up to rehearsals, making notes suggestions contributing to songwriting, HOMEWORK... this is like "Band Basics 101" stuff, and I simply shouldn't have to be continually week-after-week-after-week doing the same old shit again and again and again with him, like he's a ferking 12-yo.
I know I've made these same comments in posts repeatedly over the past six+ months here. This is nothing new. That's the frustrating part - nothing seems to change!
Julian (the drummer), I can totally cut-him a huge amount of slack, simply because he does his homework. He's played the game, he knows whats expected from him. And he delivers - big-time! Oh yes.
We've shown, explained, put it in writing to Matt, about expectations and performance goals. We Have. He's agreed absolutely 100%, and we've made sure he understands himself what is expected from him too. We know where we want to go, and together we have mapped-out a practical route.
Oh, I'll put-up-and-shut-up, because yeah, we did start out doing it for fun. But we have agreed together that we all want to move forward and do things 'professionally' together (with written agreed goals and targets). It's what we have all agreed we want to do together.
Matt simply just doesn't seem able to 'take the next step'.
I'm simply tired from babysitting him in this band. I've never had to do that with anyone, anywhere before. It's quickly draining all the "fun" out of it for me. It's emotionally / mentally / physically exhausting for me these days to be babysitting this guy week-after-week, month-after-month. I'm not a healthy man.
And he's not a child. I'm not gonna treat him like one anymore.
Playing 'professionally', regular gigging, recording, songwriting - this is all huge fun. It is. This is where we've agreed we want to go together.
So, why is it so fucking hard to get going in that direction? There's one simple answer, even if I may not want to face it.
I stopped and thought the other week... if I'd worked out a time plan of the amount of time, money and thought, effort and just plain sweat work I've put into this band over the past 12+ months, it'd be valued at like $7,000. No, that's no exaggeration or idle boast.
If this doesn't work somehow (I know we're not gonna change the world... I'm just talking about regular gigging here!), all of this work I've put into this will honestly send me quite broke. I'm not joking. I've got a lot at stake here - emotionally and financially.
Catch-22 - just like I finished the last post, I don't want to throw-away over a years-worth of working together. But nothing seems to be changing, developing, maturing for him as a band performer/member. I don't want to throw away a years' worth of work and start from scratch with someone else all over again. That's mind-boggling stuff. Just typing it, the thought gives me a cold shiver of dread. Seriously. It's not a good feeling to have, when you're playing music with a group of mates 'for fun', is it...?!?
I know you may not appreciate what the dickens I'm even talking about. That's OK. I'm just letting off some steam... I know Paige can take it! lol
Peas be with ewe
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