Friday, 10 October 2008


I think I'm having another ruff patch... (nothing anything like the other week, thank Ford for that!) Not depressed exactly, as such, just feeling really... hmmm... what word to describe the general lethargic malaise? Sure, loneliness is part of it. It's not just missing a bit of sexual intimacy (of course I am... I may be old, but I'm not dead! lol), but just some friendly female companionship. Tho the thought of being in another relationship scares the hell out of me. I'm going to a party this Saturday night, but I fear it's just gonna turn into a drunken affair, which doesn't really excite me at all anymore these days. I'm going because I've been invited to play a bit o'music, so that'll be nice.

I wish I could just pick up the phone. I'm terrified she'll say no. Not again. (NB. That's all generally unspecific for a reason. Wink wink). And no, there is no-one in particular on my horizon, that you very much.

The Car Races are on here again. I can faintly hear the faint buzzing of the cars coming from the track during their practice sessions, which are about 3 kms away from my front door. Just a faint buzzing now and again (with the front window open), like a swarm of angry hornets off nearby somewhere! Should I go upto the Mount and watch some? No ferking way - it's bogan central up there! I'd only end-up getting bashed or something... plus the whole motor sport thing just doesn't light my fuse in any way. So, I'll pass on that one.

The demos are all done, bar turning them into a CD. They turned out fine in the end. I'm just... I think I'm just very tired lately... in a way I'm glad we're having a weeks' break from the band this weekend (due to race weekend madness), just so that I... i dunno... have to think about too many things. I know I still love and enjoy playing, and that's why I'm doing it. Sometimes I feel like it's the only thing I'm any good at anymore. It distresses me.
Peas be with ewe

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  1. things come in time. I hope you get thru this.
    Have fun at the never know!

  2. "Sometimes I feel like it's the only thing I'm any good at anymore. It distresses me."

    I think that's a very telling thing to say. Many of us feel that we should be more able to do multiple tasks but I am reminded of the old saying 'Jack of all trades but master of none!' The fact that you are an accomplished musician, are excellent at team work (you're in a band after all), can write music *and* figure out your digital recording studio (which looks like a WMD to me!) tells me that you're talented and have a real gift. Remember that there's no worse critic than oneself.

    Enjoy your party and give yourself permission to have a good time :)

  3. This will pass, feelings always do. Your music seems to be your ticket out of depression, at least it speaks to your soul and makes you move and feel good. Keep playing as much as you can. It is not the only thing you are good at, but when you feel down, it just seems like it. You should feel amazing about your accomplishments and keep going.... Go to the party with no expectations and ride the music.
    Cheryl (formally of Life of triggers)

  4. Do you live near Bathurst Mal?

  5. Nothing wrong with making female friends too for company, it doesn't have to be a relationship.

    Hang in there, you're doing great! Well done on getting all the mixing done too.

  6. Thank you very much for all your thoughts and comments. i honestly do appreciate it.

    Do I live 'near' Bathurst? Um... I live 'in' Bathurst, actually! i could literally hear the cars racing off in the distance :)

    I've had a better weekend, thanks. The band Demo CD is finally complete... when we choose together what songs we want to highlight online, I'll let you know :)

    Mal :)