Actually... reading back thru some of my 5-to-6-year-old posts late last night almost undid me... I almost had, for want of a better way to describe it, an "emotional meltdown", sitting here at home alone, late at night. The thoughts got very very dark and I felt totally entrapped, quashed, and staggeringly confused.
Luckily, I realised all the signs were rushing up upon me quickly, unexpectedly... so I turned off the lappie, put on a very silly funny movie on the telly, and laughed away the impending enveloping fogginess.
Thankfully, it did the trick... I forgot all the black thoughts, and altho this arvo I'm feeling very weary, I'm actually feeling emotionally quite alright.
Thank fark for that.
Yet again... I wish there was some way to describe how and why it feels when it's happening, but it's not something that words can adequately describe. That's frustrating trying to describe it all to people who've never experienced that kind-of sudden "fogbound solitude", when it's something that easily defies a precise description. Erm... that sounds wrong? Oh, silly words! hahahahaa.
Needless to say, I hate and dread feeling like that. I'm thankful I was able to kick the old black dog in the balls and send it off packing quickly this time.
I don't like it when it just creeps up and bites me on the arse from nowhere at all like that. Grrr!
I end up feeling very old, tired and stale as a result. Wrung out like an over-squeezed old washcloth.
But, it's all good.
I was able to speak with the boys mum quickly this arvo as well. Gonna catch up with my boys on Sunday - thank goodness! It's been too long.
Sadly, her husband's dad passed away last week, after a very short and sudden illness. Needless to say, there's a lot of sadness at home for them all at the moment. They're all going as well as can be expected. JD is missing him, as he spent the most time with him, working in the cauliflower paddocks alongside him for the last few years.
I feel so sorry for their step-dad. I know what it's like to loose your dad. It's a tough journey for any son to bury your father.
Luckily they've got a good friendship network surrounding them during their grieving and re-adjustment time. I'm thankful.
Earlier this morning, Matt and I spent a good 90-minutes practicing new songs together, on our acoustic guitars. That always helps blow the blues away for me... especially now he's really enthused again and motivated to work his arse off to not only learn new songs, but even make notes as he goes along, so he can remember what we've discussed! Wonders never cease.
On Saturday, I played Julian a CD of those other 5-or-so music demos I've done, and he commented they were "really good", which is quite high praise for him. I was happily embarrassed. Playing them to Matt this morning, he nearly fell-off his chair, he thought they were that good. Good gawd no, they're not! But I'm glad he is slowly beginning to appreciate what can be done recording a band.
I even made another very ruff-and-ready home demo for myself yesterday as well. It's bizarre playing the 'drums' live, just pressing little buttons on a drum machine, rather than programming them. Rather than spend an hour programming the drums as a song, for these ruff-and-spontaneous musical moments, it's easier just to play it as it happens. All instruments are just one take, vocals as well, just however they came out. Yeah, it's fun. Only took about 75-minutes from turning on the machine to burning a finished version of it onto CD. So, it's getting a whole lot quicker, certainly. That's part of me, tho... spontaneousness. (Is that a word? lol).
"Fantasy" - (Alex MacDonald)
Really ruff, quick, one-take home demo only, all live, fluffs-and-all, purely for spontaneous fun.
9 July 2008
mp3 file: 2.91 MB
Length: 3' 11"
Peas be with ewe
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