Wednesday, 9 January 2008

Not a good week

I don't know what to say or even how to say it.

For the first time in my life, I encountered a fully-blown "panic attack" on Sunday night / Monday morning.

Needless to say, I didn't make it to the food processing factory on Monday. I'm feeling a cross between devastated and ashamed.

I feel fine now... but it scared the living crap out of me. It was a new, but not necessarily a positive, experience for me.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me and my bloody emotions. A few years ago I was a public speaking, positive upbeat kinda guy. Nowadays I'm an empty shell of the man I once was. It's either all happy or absolutely immobilized by a lack of self-confidence.

And yes, I hate being like this. Seven years is way too long.

Just when you think you're completely on top of your depression, it goes and chucks a random spanner in the works just like that.

Peas be with ewe

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  1. That doesn't sound good... hope your week has gotten better!

  2. Kinda glad I only just read this. an avatar like jac's kinda helps puts everything into perspective. How sweet, how silly.

    Hope the cobwebs got blowed away or rearranged and you arrived home recharged or something.

    Deep breaths, all is a dream within a dream.

  3. Thank you, ladies. Yes yes, a 800 km drive yesterday and today sure blew away the cobwebs and strange. I feel almost on top of life again.
    Seeing the boys in the morning, sailing at lunchtime, having a quick one-on-one music jam in the evening. Then Sunday sees us having a long-awaited electric jam together... first for the year. looking forward to it.
    Yes yes, things are getting kinda back to "normal" (tho i'm yet to be convinced exactly what 'normal' is, apart from a setting on a washing machine...)
    Mal :)

  4. Normal is more or less, maybe, let's think about it, boring, blah, who gives a raggedy rat's rump, uninspiring, uncreative, ho humm, and probably designed by a committee. There are better things to do with your time than aspire to mere normality.