I know there's no point trying to explain what it feels like, because i] no-one really gives a $#it, and ii] it's impossible to describe to someone who's never experienced it for themselves.
What's really annoyed me is how quickly it came on, for no apparently good trigger; and that it came on at all. It kinda just came out of nowhere, which really threw me.
What really pisses me off about it, and makes me feel like giving up, is that there is NO ONE here to talk to about it. No, really, there isn't.
I'm so glad the guys in the band weren't around last night or this morning, because I'm feeling so disconsolate, I would have told them I quit the band. I would easily just walk away in this state of mind. I know it's bad when I'm thinking like that, because the band is one of the few things I have left in my life that has anything of worth or value in my $#itty little life.
One of the next times when this stuff happens, I just may not have the emotional strength to face it all again.
It's f@rking exhausting. All I want to do is sleep. I'm going back to bed for a few hours for a cry and try to sleep again, and it's only midday. It's not good, is it? But, "there it is."
But, on a positive, there's a school Parent/Teacher night this evening. That's always a positive, so I'm looking forward to that. I know SJ and Ix are going well at school, but yeah - tis always good to have a chat with their teacher too.
Peas be with ewe
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